I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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