Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
