the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
