recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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