I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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