Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
