Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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