I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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