trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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