I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
