i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
