Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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