My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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