I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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