Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize