Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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