the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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