I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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