just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
