She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
3 2 1 whiskey
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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