I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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