so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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