Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
a search helicopter?!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
