So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
