hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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