I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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