some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
