Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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