I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
