Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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