so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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