You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Enjoy the penises
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
