Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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