Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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