I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
