My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
