My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You pole danced in your parka.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
