Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
