i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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