Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize