Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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