We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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