someone threw a dead crab at me
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
not ubering you a puppy
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
