You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
