Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
