I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
