the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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