I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
