I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
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Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
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Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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