I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
