Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
