The maid of honor just puked.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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