the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
