So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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