quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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