that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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