I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
