i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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