now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
