You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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