There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
