If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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