Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
you made out with another girl for some wings
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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