I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
