So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
