Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
