would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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