he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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