Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
