You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
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Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
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You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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