What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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