for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
