cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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