Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
