Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
worst night to have a conscience
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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